Still sad, still trying to get rid of all emotion, still trying in general.

I hate myself in the worst way.
And if I hate myself why don’t I change? Because I am an idiot.
Which makes me hate myself more.

I need pills.

-my favorite highway

Feelings, or no feelings?
I try so hard to believe that this time will be okay. I try so hard to make myself not fall for people as hard as I do. I try so hard to believe love is sucha good thing with a great result.

I am in such conflict with myself.
I want to believe, but I literally just can’t anymore. After all of this, how can I?? And shutting off emotions is the greatest thing that there is. But, then I start to get butterflies when being around this guy, and he makes things seem alright. I would love to be able to love and trust him, but I just don’t think I can let myself do that anymore..
I should probably end it before it begins… I just don’t want to.
Ilikehim

Finalllyyyyyy starting to get that feeling back.
I really hope this works.

Oh today was just another rough day for me. Everyday is a hard and rough day anymore. I hate the stress and depression I put on myself.
Ijustwanttruehappiness

She came up in a suggestions box on twitter today so I looked (creeped) on her twitter.
I don’t know why I did, because obviously I keep saying I am done with you but every time i say that I always ruin it by doing something like this.. I looked at her twitter, Its pretty creepy. It did come up on my side thing, but I know I still shouldn’t have done it..

Either way you were right. Me and her are so much alike. Now I realize why you even liked me in the first place. You told me we were alike, and now I see why. It’s kind of weird because as I was on her twitter I noticed that she is just as upset with you as I am. We both feel forgotten and replaced by you. I do not hate you in any way, but you are a terrible friend. You obviously could care less about the fact that I am hurt by you, but I no it bothers you that she is hurt by you.. You love her, but you are so bad to her and you don’t even notice it. She is just like me, so I no we both get upset by these things. It’s weird, but I finally get it.

It might be to late for me and you, but god you love her, don’t screw that up..

Life was soo much easier when I was numb. I gave away an easy life for someone who wasn’t worth it. He seemed to be worth it at the time, but look at me now. Still a mess, but this time I feel the pain.