January 2012
35 posts
Still sad, still trying to get rid of all emotion, still trying in general.
I hate myself in the worst way.
And if I hate myself why don’t I change? Because I am an idiot.
Which makes me hate myself more.
I need pills.
3 tags
You can't disguise a heart while it's breaking....
-my favorite highway
Feelings, or no feelings?
I try so hard to believe that this time will be okay. I try so hard to make myself not fall for people as hard as I do. I try so hard to believe love is sucha good thing with a great result.
I am in such conflict with myself.
I want to believe, but I literally just can’t anymore. After all of this, how can I?? And shutting off emotions is the greatest thing that...
Finalllyyyyyy starting to get that feeling back.
I really hope this works.
I am in such a major conflict with myself
Oh today was just another rough day for me. Everyday is a hard and rough day anymore. I hate the stress and depression I put on myself.
Ijustwanttruehappiness
She came up in a suggestions box on twitter today so I looked (creeped) on her twitter.
I don’t know why I did, because obviously I keep saying I am done with you but every time i say that I always ruin it by doing something like this.. I looked at her twitter, Its pretty creepy. It did come up on my side thing, but I know I still shouldn’t have done it..
Either way you were right....
Life was soo much easier when I was numb. I gave away an easy life for someone who wasn’t worth it. He seemed to be worth it at the time, but look at me now. Still a mess, but this time I feel the pain.
Ohhh I don’t exist. Cool.
I just reread a hole bunch of these posts on this tumblr.
I’ve come to a few conclusions
- I’m over dramatic
- I complain way to much
- I’m depressed as fuck and I think I actually need real help.
i’ve decided that i am no longer angry.. no longer upset.. no longer holding onto something that is in the past. me and you will just be me and you. nothing more, nothing less.
but i don’t have a single intention on being your friend.
not at this point, not ever. you want to be friends, sorry for you, i am doing what will make me feel better in life. i am no longer trying to please...
God damn it. What is wrong with me. Do I purposely want to hurt myself by looking at that or what???? I knew that would hurt. Why did I do it. I hate myself.
I’m not anywheres close to perfect. You can stop picking all of my flaws out and telling the hole world about them. Physco bitch, get the fuck out of here. You don’t even no me.
Okay I’ve dealt with too much for one week; time to go cry now..
God I’m so tired of being upset all the time.
If everything’s “perfect” than why doesn’t anything feel right??
I’m certainly not complaining about my life, I just don’t understand why I can feel this way if everything is okay.
It’s weird.
Dear most recent ex,
There is so much I would like to tell you. So much of this blog is about you. It is crazy how much of my life you affected in such a short time. I let you into my world and my mind, and now you are completely gone. I wish you cared like I do. I could go on for miles of things to tell you that I never got the chance to. Reasons I need you to hear. I can’t tell you these things though, you no...
I can’t help but think of you constantly.
Obviously you don’t do the same, however.
I am not quite sure why I love you the way I do, but I can’t help but have you surrounding my every thought.
Butterflies pop up in my stomachs every time I think of your name.
I wish I didn’t think about you, it would be so much easier on me to not think about you. To just forget about...
I hurt myself more than anyone else ever has.
1 tag
My mind runs terribly wild.
I really do believe it would be better if I just stopped thinking all together.
It’s weird. I’m honestly posting so much stuff on here tonight, but it’s because i just have so many things running through my mind…
Like. I almost, slightly, in the tiniest bit, miss him???
Yes he was my first, but I almost forgot about his existence, which is bad, but im pretty sure he forgot about mine too..
Before all the shit happened between us we were amazing...
Ooh you were right. Yeah I’ll never be okay with that.
Never have I ever felt more alone than I do now.
I’d suggest you leave my life now, because you won’t want to stick around for what’s about to happen. No one will want to stick around for this.
God damn it. I need to let go. End this before it begins. This will only end badly for both of us. I am such a screw up and I never do anything right. I can’t expect you to be there for me, especially now. It is to much to deal...
Dear girl on twitter telling the world how much of a slut she is in every post,
Absolutely nobody cares about your sex life. Shut up.
I’ve been told I’m a decent piano player from many, actually an excellent piano player.. but my family tells me I’m terrible and need to stop.
I understand I’m not good, I don’t take lessons. I do however, play by ear and ithink I do a decent job of it.
I’m sorry I’m not my brother who can just memorize keys and thinks he is good. At least I can read...
Yet another thing I love about you.
God, stop being so perfect.
Damn this is hard….
All I want to do with my life is
-make music
-make love
-sleep
—With occasional cuddling, coffee drinking, eating, movie watching, concert going.
Is that to much to ask for??
I’m just tired talking about this stuff. I’m honestly just over it now.
1 tag
My days spent waiting 'round are over, gone, and...
-bonaventure
1 tag
I know where you’ve been,
I know what it meant,
Never again will I let someone in.
Fuck bad luck,
Really, really bad luck.
As much as I’d love to say my vacation was great and amazing, it wasn’t. Nothing went my way once, plus I was pretty depressed the hole vacation.
I hate complaining because it was a vacation and wasn’t god awful, I just had a terrible time. Now I’m home, having a worse time..
No one should ever let me gamble because I have the...
This hole blog has been about you this hole...
Honestly this is probably my last post about this because I need to get a grip of reality. He doesn’t want me in his life. I can’t force that out of someone. I’ll get over it eventually. It hurts, bad, but I can’t keep trying, and hoping, and wishing, that we can ever be okay.
The real reason I’m posting this, however, is because you have truly given me a reason...
Oh so you just managed to forget about me completely? Erase me from your memory? Pretend like I don’t exist?
As if I was just some random girl.
Who knows, maybe I was, maybe you lied.
Maybe I mean nothing to you,
Maybe I never did.
As hard as I try to not be hurt, the more and more days go back, the more and more hurt I am.
Honestly I try to forget you.
Don’t worry, I’m...
December 2011
41 posts
I apparently made you so unhappy. So, so unhappy.
Sorry. I didn’t even think I could have that effect on anyone..
It won’t happen again though, I’m giving up.
This time though, there won’t be a second chance for me.
I had this amazing song idea around 3:30 in the morning last night.
I was dead in my sleep, dreaming about me writing it. I woke up wanting to write it all down but thought to myself nah I’ll remember in the morning. God I’m so dumb, because now i can only remember bits and pieces of it.
I think it’s an amazing thing when music honestly just comes to you, a tune and some...
The simple act of giving up,
I tried to be your friend. I tried to make this okay. I tried to not do anything hurtful towards you. God damn it, i tried.
You didn’t. And if you don’t give a damn about me, then well fine.
I’m giving up. We won’t be okay. Probably ever.
At this point why should I even care.
I’m done.
So ridiculously hurt by someone who could care less right now.
For whatever reason I always put my feelings above other peoples, pretty much no matter what.
I need to stop doing that because I am so upset and stressed out right now I can’t even cry. I’m on vacation and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry, and I can’t even do that.
I need to be happy, but honestly...
I think I’m going to go back and delete anything that could make him upset. Hopefully he will forgive me.
I’ll stop posting anything that isn’t happy, even if it’s only song lyrics.
Honestly I just can’t stop thinking about this. Literally just freaking out in my mind.
The fact that were not okay hurts me more than...
You continue to say that you hurt me and stuff. No you don’t hurt me, but having these same conversations with me and the fact were not on good terms hurts me. Stop making this about me and my feelings. I’m okay and your obviously not. I don’t no what to do anymore. I miss you, not romantically, but as a friend. Really I just miss you being happy because it’s so easy to...
if she gets nowhere in life at least she knows...
i said hey now, the straw dogs out in the street!!
kinda been on a jacks mannequin kick all day.
I got a new phone yesterday and usually they can save all of my texts and pictures, but this time they couldn’t… I was pretty upset at first. I usually reread all of my old text messages, especially ones from my ex.
Thinking about it though. I am so glad that there is absolutely nothing in my phone that can remind me of you. Which is for the best because I just need to forget about...
it’s been a little over a week since we broke up. sorry I’m not over you, even if your completely over me. sorry I’m not going out and getting with other guys because I still care about one. I will get over you, trust me, I will. but im sorry I didnt mean as much to you as you did me. sorry I can’t just drop my feelings like that and it hurts me to see you with other girls....
way to be awkward and weird about this…
suppose to be friends right??
I’m sorry that I can’t stand seeing you be with her. it hurts to know that I lost you to someone. the best part is I see it everywhere, not even trying to, but I see it everywhere.
why do you think I don’t want to be friends on facebook or twitter or tumblr??? like I don’t want to see your life with the girl you broke up with me for.. even if you deny it, it’s the...
I love how I was right about her and yet you lied about her.
and now me finding out about her, well, it just sucks…
I don’t think I’ll ever trust someone like that again.
worst Christmas ever.
I really don’t understand why me and my mom have to fight over everything.. yeah we never get along but usually on holidays we can pull it together for a few hours… nope not today. 5 minutes in of unwrapping presents and were fighting.. over absolutely nothing.
I’m tired of fighting! I don’t know what else to do:/
literally just realized that as much as he says or acts like he doesn’t care, he does..
yeah in calling his bluff.
long rant.
i can’t take it anymore. i can not do this.
i put everyone above me. EVERYONE. even people i dislike (which isn’t really anyone) get their feelings put above my own.
i don’t understand why i do this, i think i’m crazy.. it’s just who i am.
one instance of this is my ex boyfriend.. we recently broke up and i am extremely upset over this.. he was honestly the best...