March 2012
1 post
5 tags
"Egg" is a weird word
alyssagalletta:
holiday-parade:
Thank you Alyssa!
made this over a year ago for holiday parade… i miss them oh so much <33
apparently they are putting new music out soon.. its really hard to be patient during all of this since i’ve been waiting patiently for over a year..
(via alyssagalletta)
miss this. that’s all.
February 2012
13 posts
I do it to myself. I really just make problems harder for myself.. I make myself more sad than I have to be.
I am such a fucking idiot. God damn it why can’t I just be normal
2 tags
I’d go through the pain of being abused physically, sexually, and mentally every day if it meant I didn’t have to deal with the pain of its after effects. My depression is that bad.
did i mention i cant deal with this????
literally as soon as i post about how sad i am, something makes me 10x more sad. it literally hit like a brick and i am now crying hysterically.
did you do that to be sarcastic? what was your intention by that? just go away. i dont even know what to say anymore. just go away.
3 tags
So broken and it feels like no one cares.
The only people that care are my boyfriend, my youngest brother, and possibly 1 other friend. I don’t want any of them to get involved in my dumb affairs because they will become apart of it. They would become part of my fucked up and sad life and because they are the only people in my happy life, I’d rather not mix the two.
I need to talk to...
Been needing to blog, just haven’t had the time to get away for a while.
Everything is wrong, even if it’s all suppose to be right.
I don’t even know where to start!!! I’ve been dealing with so much might just explode.
atripthrewmymind: Maybe one day I'll be content... →
alyssagalletta:
Or at least I keep telling myself that maybe one day I will be. As of right now I really don’t know what to do with myself. I screw up everything. I literally can’t stand myself. I don’t want to sound extreme and say I hate this life and all that it is, but as of right now music and a different…
4 tags
Ranting a lot tonight but this got me mad..
Everyone tweeting they were happy when they heard snooki was dead??? Obviously it’s a fake trending topic but really? She may be the most annoying person in their minds,but she doesn’t deserve death wished upon her. I swear to god I fucking hate ignorant people. No one deserves death wished upon them. She hasn’t done any harm to anyone, yet people are jumping of joy to see on...
Everything in life is complicated. Get over yourself.
I no longer blame you for my misery.. I was sad long before you came into the picture..
I don’t want to deal with this. Why do I have to deal with this.
My fucking god when will it end!! I can’t keep doing this. I’m so broken I can’t even live my life faking being happy anymore. I don’t even have the energy to put on a fake smile.
I just want it all to end.
Why. Just why.
I may not hate you but I do hate everything about you.
Don’t talk to my friends, don’t talk about me to yours, dont post about me on twitter, and don’t stalk mine. Simple.
I didn’t think id be hearing all of this shit, even after everything! We aren’t friends! Why do you even pop up in my life? I have to hear it from other people that your doing...
Still stressed. Still tired. Still sad.
Even if I’m pretty emotionless, I’m still depressed. No clue how this happens but whatever.
Took 3 pills.
No they weren’t prescribed to me, but they’ll take my pain away. I hope.
I really just need to get away for a bit so if these help than it sounds good to me.
I am not going back to the person I was, this is just temporary.. I won’t do it again. I just need it now.
January 2012
35 posts
Still sad, still trying to get rid of all emotion, still trying in general.
I hate myself in the worst way.
And if I hate myself why don’t I change? Because I am an idiot.
Which makes me hate myself more.
I need pills.
3 tags
You can't disguise a heart while it's breaking....
-my favorite highway
Feelings, or no feelings?
I try so hard to believe that this time will be okay. I try so hard to make myself not fall for people as hard as I do. I try so hard to believe love is sucha good thing with a great result.
I am in such conflict with myself.
I want to believe, but I literally just can’t anymore. After all of this, how can I?? And shutting off emotions is the greatest thing that...
Finalllyyyyyy starting to get that feeling back.
I really hope this works.
I am in such a major conflict with myself
Oh today was just another rough day for me. Everyday is a hard and rough day anymore. I hate the stress and depression I put on myself.
Ijustwanttruehappiness
She came up in a suggestions box on twitter today so I looked (creeped) on her twitter.
I don’t know why I did, because obviously I keep saying I am done with you but every time i say that I always ruin it by doing something like this.. I looked at her twitter, Its pretty creepy. It did come up on my side thing, but I know I still shouldn’t have done it..
Either way you were right....
Life was soo much easier when I was numb. I gave away an easy life for someone who wasn’t worth it. He seemed to be worth it at the time, but look at me now. Still a mess, but this time I feel the pain.
Ohhh I don’t exist. Cool.
I just reread a hole bunch of these posts on this tumblr.
I’ve come to a few conclusions
- I’m over dramatic
- I complain way to much
- I’m depressed as fuck and I think I actually need real help.
i’ve decided that i am no longer angry.. no longer upset.. no longer holding onto something that is in the past. me and you will just be me and you. nothing more, nothing less.
but i don’t have a single intention on being your friend.
not at this point, not ever. you want to be friends, sorry for you, i am doing what will make me feel better in life. i am no longer trying to please...
God damn it. What is wrong with me. Do I purposely want to hurt myself by looking at that or what???? I knew that would hurt. Why did I do it. I hate myself.
I’m not anywheres close to perfect. You can stop picking all of my flaws out and telling the hole world about them. Physco bitch, get the fuck out of here. You don’t even no me.
Okay I’ve dealt with too much for one week; time to go cry now..
God I’m so tired of being upset all the time.
If everything’s “perfect” than why doesn’t anything feel right??
I’m certainly not complaining about my life, I just don’t understand why I can feel this way if everything is okay.
It’s weird.
Dear most recent ex,
There is so much I would like to tell you. So much of this blog is about you. It is crazy how much of my life you affected in such a short time. I let you into my world and my mind, and now you are completely gone. I wish you cared like I do. I could go on for miles of things to tell you that I never got the chance to. Reasons I need you to hear. I can’t tell you these things though, you no...
I can’t help but think of you constantly.
Obviously you don’t do the same, however.
I am not quite sure why I love you the way I do, but I can’t help but have you surrounding my every thought.
Butterflies pop up in my stomachs every time I think of your name.
I wish I didn’t think about you, it would be so much easier on me to not think about you. To just forget about...
I hurt myself more than anyone else ever has.
1 tag
My mind runs terribly wild.
I really do believe it would be better if I just stopped thinking all together.
It’s weird. I’m honestly posting so much stuff on here tonight, but it’s because i just have so many things running through my mind…
Like. I almost, slightly, in the tiniest bit, miss him???
Yes he was my first, but I almost forgot about his existence, which is bad, but im pretty sure he forgot about mine too..
Before all the shit happened between us we were amazing...
Ooh you were right. Yeah I’ll never be okay with that.
Never have I ever felt more alone than I do now.
I’d suggest you leave my life now, because you won’t want to stick around for what’s about to happen. No one will want to stick around for this.
God damn it. I need to let go. End this before it begins. This will only end badly for both of us. I am such a screw up and I never do anything right. I can’t expect you to be there for me, especially now. It is to much to deal...
Dear girl on twitter telling the world how much of a slut she is in every post,
Absolutely nobody cares about your sex life. Shut up.
I’ve been told I’m a decent piano player from many, actually an excellent piano player.. but my family tells me I’m terrible and need to stop.
I understand I’m not good, I don’t take lessons. I do however, play by ear and ithink I do a decent job of it.
I’m sorry I’m not my brother who can just memorize keys and thinks he is good. At least I can read...
Yet another thing I love about you.
God, stop being so perfect.
Damn this is hard….
All I want to do with my life is
-make music
-make love
-sleep
—With occasional cuddling, coffee drinking, eating, movie watching, concert going.
Is that to much to ask for??
I’m just tired talking about this stuff. I’m honestly just over it now.
1 tag
My days spent waiting 'round are over, gone, and...
-bonaventure
1 tag
I know where you’ve been,
I know what it meant,
Never again will I let someone in.
Fuck bad luck,
Really, really bad luck.
As much as I’d love to say my vacation was great and amazing, it wasn’t. Nothing went my way once, plus I was pretty depressed the hole vacation.
I hate complaining because it was a vacation and wasn’t god awful, I just had a terrible time. Now I’m home, having a worse time..
No one should ever let me gamble because I have the...
This hole blog has been about you this hole...
Honestly this is probably my last post about this because I need to get a grip of reality. He doesn’t want me in his life. I can’t force that out of someone. I’ll get over it eventually. It hurts, bad, but I can’t keep trying, and hoping, and wishing, that we can ever be okay.
The real reason I’m posting this, however, is because you have truly given me a reason...
Oh so you just managed to forget about me completely? Erase me from your memory? Pretend like I don’t exist?
As if I was just some random girl.
Who knows, maybe I was, maybe you lied.
Maybe I mean nothing to you,
Maybe I never did.
As hard as I try to not be hurt, the more and more days go back, the more and more hurt I am.
Honestly I try to forget you.
Don’t worry, I’m...
December 2011
41 posts
I apparently made you so unhappy. So, so unhappy.
Sorry. I didn’t even think I could have that effect on anyone..
It won’t happen again though, I’m giving up.
This time though, there won’t be a second chance for me.